10/07/22 - broke bitch's big adventure!!!

mood: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
eating: pineapple gum
drinking: water

starting a blog now, i guess? i kinda miss doing things like this. i’m stuck at home being ~*unemployed*~ right now because my job at [REDACTED COFFEE STORE] went to shit almost immediately. honestly, i can’t tell if the girls there actually hated me that much or if my insane levels of anxiety made me think they did? but i spent most of my shifts not talking to anyone besides customers, so i never really got trained for anything, so they got mad at me for not being trained, and it was this vicious cycle of being bad at my job because no one would help me and no one helping me because i was bad at my job. glad to be out of it, but now i’m 24/7 stressing about finding something new.

indeed sucks for that, by the way. their reccomendation engine seems to completely ignore... pretty much everything about you? i’ve been a barista and i’ve worked at arcades, but it always shows me shit like, “hey, do you want to drive a big fucking truck and only come home once a month?” and you know what? maybe after this month if nothing better comes along i’ll get my big fucking truck license. maybe i’ll finally catch up on podcasts if i’m trapped in a truck with them.

i’m bitching a lot, but actually i’m pretty happy right now. i just came back from a 2 week-ish long vacation in tennessee! i went with my sister, and our trips always end up weird. like, we always end up at what i’m going to call the incorrect tourist traps. day one, we went to the peabody hotel to see some ducks in a fountain and get a picture with The Duckmaster(tm). i don’t know if he actually trains the ducks or if he’s just entertainment, but i got to hold his duck shaped cane and take an ugly picture of myself.

then we went to the bass pro shop pyramid because ??? it smelled nice, there were alligators. we rode a big elevator to the top and stared at some roads. then we slept on the ground while a guy in a cabin next to us got way too drunk and started yelling because we didn’t have any weed he could bum off us.

day two was CHATTANOOGA, where we went to rock city, which was very pretty and cool and felt like wandering around a little hobbit town until the end where you go into a wet cave full of blacklights to experience the most german thing i’ve ever seen (derogatory) (but also not really it was so kitschy and weird i loved it).

in the gift shop i bought a little stuffed goblin named GRIBBLE. he’s the light of my life. always be gribbin. and then we went to another cave (less german)! have you ever experienced CAVE DARKNESS? like, pure pitch black nothing? it’s cool as hell. there were lizards everywhere. i loved it and now i want to find someone who’ll go caving with me, but everyone i know is too fat or too claustrophobic.

day three i convinced the owner of a salt and pepper shaker museum that i was 12 years old so i didn’t have to pay $3 to get in. manlet priveliges. anyway i think we just drove a lot this day? or this is when we went to dollywood’s stampede, which was very weird and kitschy and fun, but also has gone through so much reworking it’s not really about anything, AND it’s vaguely culturally insensitive! nobody wins, i loved it. my celiac ass didn’t get any soup, but it smelled really good and i had something called cowboy punch that made me very drunk.

i stopped texting my boyfriend with updates around this point so this is when it gets real fuzzy, so here’s a probably out of order list of other shit we did:

african american music history museum was cool as hell and if you ever go you should definitely pay the extra dollar for the rfid bracelet!

got a $20 milkshake out of a mason jar (bad idea) (didn’t even get to keep the mason jar)

played an OBSCENE amount of giant chess at our campsites and normal sized chess in our tent. neither of us know how to checkmate so it keeps ending with just like, two kings and it takes 3 hours for a single game. i love it because it makes my boyfriend angry

DOLLYWOOD I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT DOLLYWOOD! dollywood is dope and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. they got rides, they got snackies, they got pumpkins EVERYWHERE. yes we were the youngest people there but that just means the lines for rides were short as hell!

baked bean museum? learn about the history of busch’s baked beans. play bean-tac-toe. weigh yourself in beans. pray to the giant gold bean. 10/10 bean propaganda.

went on some scary ass coaster through a bunch of trees? okay, the coaster has this lever you’re supposed to push to speed up, but my little manlet clown arms could barely reach it, so i went like mid to low speed most of the ride until i heard the people behind me getting closer? and they give you this whole lecture at the beginning of like, ‘if you’re too slow and someone hits your car it’s your fault and you have to pay for it’ so my 5’2” ass is freaking out trying to slam jam on these things. my arms still hurt. i should’ve sat in my sister’s lap but i didn’t want to ask the attendant.

ate at every single dick’s last resort in tennessee. there are three of them for some reason? i’m the easiest target on earth for the waiters because i’m a bumbling autistic klutz. first one i hit my head on the table trying to pick up my phone after i dropped it, like, full force slam jammed it. this happened at every dick’s. also, surprisingly okay gluten free options for my fellow shit to death when you eat bread enthusiasts. also me and my sister look nothing alike so the waiters kept assuming that 1) we were a lesbian couple and 2) i am the bottom. anyway, you ever have that thing where you start ovulating and you imprint on the first thing you see like some kind of hornysad baby duck? well,

i stand by this and apologize for nothing, ANYWAY!!!

the reason we actually came to tennessee surprisingly wasn’t dick’s even though that’s where we spent 95% of our time! it was actually for a lil nas x concert, which was incredible and not weird and therefore not very funny to talk about. but it did make me cry! i always cry at concerts for some reason but i felt kinda justified on this one. the show was a day later than planned because he had a shitting disease or something, so we had to scramble to rent another cabin. since we had an extra day we just played giant chess and laid on a big hill.

since we didn’t want to make a 14 hour back drive to [MY STATE] in one day, we stopped at my dad’s house in my hometown. stuff is... really bad. i gave up on caring a long time ago, but rehab for his drinking failed again. he lasted around a week before apparently he started stealing his wife’s credit cards and going to buy liquor while she was at work. he hid all the empty bottles under the couch like no one would ever notice. he barely talked to me while i was there, which is fine by me! i’m home in [SLIGHTLY FURTHER AWAY STATE] now and loving it, i missed my boyfriend and my stupid cat.

anyway if you read this 1) why 2) i'm sorry, there was no real point to this i just had a good vacation also i'm broke also my dad is an alcoholic. sorry for putting a bunch of garbage in your brain, bye!

back to blog???